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i am sitting in a room with total strangers. their faces are arranged in the same patterns, connected to weary bodies. it is like this every weekday. nine hours of machinery, with 3 breaks in between, staring at older faces.
my fingers are stumbling across a flat keyboard; a phone too small for my hands, yet i make it work. my earbuds are at home, lost in a pile of stuffed animals. i am separated from my musical medicine. for once, i am forced to listen to my thoughts. i am wondering how long it will take before i become them.
settled.
stuck.
i wonder if i am already there and my mind will simply not allow such a thought to be real yet. i have watched and researched and studied independent authors. i have seen varied degrees of success and have struggled with reach.
how should one begin marketing yourself as someone with stories people will want to read? the internet seems to make it so easy. my thoughts from the beginning were about content. the time spent working under the radar will be worth it once they discover you. the words will be too good to ignore once you figured out how to get their attention.
two books of poems and three novels later, i am here. plugging away in the caves of the mind, there are a thousand ideas and yet i am drifting. i have seen people fall into careers that pay millions simply turning on a camera and acting like fools. what keeps me from doing the same? what if the quality doesn’t matter but just the flooding of the market?
i created a podcast with one of my best friends because our conversations were so entertaining. we are fools, so why not put that out into the world just as well? screaming at video games has become so lucrative, there is a part of me that looks at that not with bitterness as it did years ago. i see it now as another avenue to throw one’s name out into the world.
at the same time, i find myself craving silence, the quiet corners i’ve relied on the most. there is a feeling of hopelessness attached to reaching out across an entire world and receiving nothing. what is all the work worth if you are not seen as good enough?
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“It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.”
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i have been writing, creating my entire life. i have seen others with half the imagination and half the work ethic become recognized, whether they are deemed successful or not.
the floodgates will stay open
and the waters will not cease.
the outlier gentlemen podcast is now available on iTunes, Spotify, Google podcasts and more coming.
https://anchor.fm/outliergentlemen
https://open.spotify.com/show/7H53V4m0NiOgHXNRtMmwze
we are dorks;
the most passionate dorks.
and we cannot wait to share our ideas with you.
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shadowart 