have led me here
a prison of thought and of body
scratching these arms and legs covered
in invisible sickness
waiting for the wounds taking so long to heal
hoping i haven’t fallen too far
to feel forgiven
however brief my peace do not forget
i did this to myself
balancing weights
on my shoulder that bare the faces
of uncles and fathers like me
those who could barely handle their liquor
and those who couldn’t keep it
from handling them
ive been too trusting of my demons
thinking them badges of honor
heart tainted with fear, with ego
and me?
untouched for many years
driving home with blurred eyes
migraines
and yet smarter than God
still hoping to slink away from these crimes
great disappointment repeats itself
in new ways
to humble this body
bring me to my knees before a court of one
a reflection
i have long thought too much of myself
the whispers of an unsettled mind
hauntings of truths i was unable to speak
listening back to recordings of slurred speech
blurred moments of night
scenes missing from the reel
laughing faces of strangers and friends
telling you
what you missed
the words of a wife
the questions from a child
waiting for the house to quiet
before diving into oceans
swimming in glasses
and tasting their fire
the archives of my true darkness
every page written before feels false
like shields, shattered on the floor
it hurts too much to wear these words
forgiveness of myself still out of reach
morning memories reintroduce the forgotten
it is mine to own
to carry forward
dream this peace into existence
put distance between those nights and now
every day is a choice made for good
not for rage, or bitterness
start counting the moments
free of the doubt
when the mind is clear
of the whispers and want
collect and wrap them
in resolve
replace every shadow with a light
until the dark is outnumbered
and the days
no longer hurt
shadowart 